How was your Weekend?

Okay, it's a nice Sunday afternoon in early March. You're driving an elderly friend back to her nursing home in the Bronx. You go around to open the passenger door of your red Kia Sorrento when suddenly:

a) your purse is grabbed by a mugger

b) you realize that the old lady in your car is not your granny

c) you are tackled by a lion escaped by the nearby Zoo

d) you are shot in the abdomen with an arrow

The police say that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is a person of interest in the case.