The Onion Weighs In on the Bonds Situation

Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball

March 9, 2006 | Onion Sports

SAN FRANCISCO—With the publication of a book detailing steroid use by San Francisco Giants superstar Barry Bonds, two San Francisco Chronicle reporters have corroborated the claims of Bonds' steroid abuse made by every single person who has watched or even loosely followed the game of baseball over the past five years.

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Actually, like all good satire, there's more to this article than meets the eye. I happened to see Bob Ley talking to Jose Canseco on ESPN this weekend. Canseco is the former player whose book a year ago forced the steroid issue into the public eye, and even led to hearings in the House of Representatives [scroll down to "Documents pertaining to Steroid Hearings before the House of Representatives Committee on Government Reform"]. Ley was suitably outraged at both the steroid usage and Congress's complete and utter failure to get to the truth at the hearings (other witnesses included Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, and Rafael Palmeiro. Palmeiro famously shook his finger at the panel and said "I never took steroids." The he turned up with a positve test in July). He also criticized Bud Selig and the lords of baseball for turning a blind eye to the problem.

My question is, where was the media when all this was going on? Wasn't it obvious? they ask now. What were people thinking? Well, wasn't it obvious? What role didn't the media play. They were in the clubhouses every day. "Well, of course we suspected. But we have no proof. And that's not our job, anyway. We just cover the games."

Well, finally, two reporters made it their job. And now something will have to be done.